RUMINATIONS ON MASCULINITY AND A LONG-AGO TIME AND GALAXY
It may sound a bit strange now, and most probably open to a few jokes, but in the late 1970s I became involved with the National Movement of Changing Men, or as we simply called it in Pittsburgh – Changing Men. The movement was begun by pro-feminist males who were engaged with feminist women and interested in supporting feminist ideas. One of the tenets of the movement was to recognize the dominance of male power and privilege and through a critical lens begin to challenge the notion of “traditional masculinity” and the dominant model of manhood by working with one another. An interesting element of the movement is that it later began to branch off in other directions and themes, with some groups of men proclaiming that they were the oppressed ones in society and at a disadvantage in things like divorce and child custody.
I became involved with the feminist side of the movement through my acquaintance with Bob, a retired professor from Carnegie Mellon University who was a major proponent of the movement and was instrumental in organizing weekly encounters in the Pittsburgh area. A big part of my motivation was probably due to my romantic involvements with outgoing feminist women during that period and the need to “keep up” (get your act together, Bill!). There was basically a rising push on the part of women to work out issues of masculinity with other men and not rely on your partner to pull you along – they had enough on their plates without having to deal with your changes.
The weekly open meeting was a forum for discussion of overall themes such as society’s image of masculinity, the ingrained strictures on men exploring and sharing their emotions with other men and, as the group was all inclusive and included both gay and straight men, dealing with issues of discrimination and homophobia. At one point, we even organized an experiment so that we straight men could feel what it felt like to be discriminated against in a gay relationship: We paired up one heterosexual man with a homosexual man and walked down the streets of Pittsburgh holding hands. The amount of hate stares and open hostility from passersby was an eye opener!
The most important part of this exploration came through the formation of smaller groups – based on the support and discussion groups that grew out of the feminist movement. I linked up with four other men: a recently divorced businessman, a younger guy in a relationship with a feminist woman, a University psychology professor and a Dutch graduate student. We would meet at one or another’s apartment once a week and talk about how we were feeling, what frustrations we might be going through, what it meant to try to change the masculinity models we had all grown up with.
Did it do any good? Were there verifiable changes, not only in our own lives but in society at large? Those are hard questions. There were changes of course, changes in the way we and other men approached the rise of stronger, more confident women; changes in society that at least opened the way for further discussion, even taking into consideration that now, forty year later, male dominance, sexual discrimination and inequality have yet to be overcome. I at least can now feel comfortable talking with male friends about how I feel and am cognizant of, if not always active in addressing, the ongoing issues facing women and the LGBT community.
I remember one of the first learning from that long ago time: the existence of the “A Frame” hug among men. Hugging your male friend was becoming more acceptable, but the actual act was always with your arms around each other’s shoulders but with your genital areas far apart in a ladder-like stance. And always – ALWAYS - accompanied by a manly pat on the back before coming out of the hug.
BOO YAH!
It may sound a bit strange now, and most probably open to a few jokes, but in the late 1970s I became involved with the National Movement of Changing Men, or as we simply called it in Pittsburgh – Changing Men. The movement was begun by pro-feminist males who were engaged with feminist women and interested in supporting feminist ideas. One of the tenets of the movement was to recognize the dominance of male power and privilege and through a critical lens begin to challenge the notion of “traditional masculinity” and the dominant model of manhood by working with one another. An interesting element of the movement is that it later began to branch off in other directions and themes, with some groups of men proclaiming that they were the oppressed ones in society and at a disadvantage in things like divorce and child custody.
I became involved with the feminist side of the movement through my acquaintance with Bob, a retired professor from Carnegie Mellon University who was a major proponent of the movement and was instrumental in organizing weekly encounters in the Pittsburgh area. A big part of my motivation was probably due to my romantic involvements with outgoing feminist women during that period and the need to “keep up” (get your act together, Bill!). There was basically a rising push on the part of women to work out issues of masculinity with other men and not rely on your partner to pull you along – they had enough on their plates without having to deal with your changes.
The weekly open meeting was a forum for discussion of overall themes such as society’s image of masculinity, the ingrained strictures on men exploring and sharing their emotions with other men and, as the group was all inclusive and included both gay and straight men, dealing with issues of discrimination and homophobia. At one point, we even organized an experiment so that we straight men could feel what it felt like to be discriminated against in a gay relationship: We paired up one heterosexual man with a homosexual man and walked down the streets of Pittsburgh holding hands. The amount of hate stares and open hostility from passersby was an eye opener!
The most important part of this exploration came through the formation of smaller groups – based on the support and discussion groups that grew out of the feminist movement. I linked up with four other men: a recently divorced businessman, a younger guy in a relationship with a feminist woman, a University psychology professor and a Dutch graduate student. We would meet at one or another’s apartment once a week and talk about how we were feeling, what frustrations we might be going through, what it meant to try to change the masculinity models we had all grown up with.
The group on a bonding canoe trip retreat
Did it do any good? Were there verifiable changes, not only in our own lives but in society at large? Those are hard questions. There were changes of course, changes in the way we and other men approached the rise of stronger, more confident women; changes in society that at least opened the way for further discussion, even taking into consideration that now, forty year later, male dominance, sexual discrimination and inequality have yet to be overcome. I at least can now feel comfortable talking with male friends about how I feel and am cognizant of, if not always active in addressing, the ongoing issues facing women and the LGBT community.
I remember one of the first learning from that long ago time: the existence of the “A Frame” hug among men. Hugging your male friend was becoming more acceptable, but the actual act was always with your arms around each other’s shoulders but with your genital areas far apart in a ladder-like stance. And always – ALWAYS - accompanied by a manly pat on the back before coming out of the hug.
BOO YAH!
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